The Hess Report

Friday, October 17, 2003

Apathy may indeed beget tyranny, but that hasn't discouraged SprintPCS from sucking.

The price for two cell phones with snazzy features and unlimited twixt-phone calling recently dropped below the level at which I said I'd buy it. So I did. Which meant that we had to cancel our service with SprintPCS. Joy had some extra time during the day (ha!), so she called them. Angry!Joy called me several minutes later, because they would not let her cancel. My name's on the account. Oooooo. SprintPCS cares about security. They informed her that if she was not David Hess, that she couldn't cancel.

So, like, if your arch-enemy/nemesis is a SprintPCS customer, all you have to do is call SprintPCS, give them your enemy's cell number (which of course you have, so that when you deliver the coup-de-grace to their industrial empire, leaving them with nothing but a smoldering pile of ashes and their own bitter tears, you can break their shocked silence with the ringing of their cell phone from which will issue your maniacal, triumphant laughter), claim to be them, then cancel the service. When I called them, that's all it took. Phone number and my name. We should put SprintPCS in charge of airport security, because they are obviously hardcore security freaks.

Of course, before they agreed to cancel, the "cancellation specialist" tried to find out the usual crap... why we were leaving (We're not leaving. We're not going anywhere. We just won't be sending you turd burglers our money anymore.), who we were going with (Leave me be. That's a personal question.), did we know that SprintPCS had great deals and...

And shut up. I didn't call you to get a sales pitch. She then informs me that we will have the opportunity to use our SprintPCS phone until the end of the month. Oh. The opportunity. Thanks. But I don't want it. As a matter of fact, I'll give them the opportunity to- er- nevermind. I just want to cancel now. But they can't do that. They don't prorate. Okay. I informed her that it was just one more example of how greedy and petty their company was, as such a thing was very simple to do, and one of the reasons that we would not consider them for future service. She was sorry that I felt that way. I was sorry that she worked for a bunch of thieves.

In conclusion, I just don't see how that's any way to run a business. When you are in a commodified market, and people have almost no brand loyalty, it is foolish to give people a reason to actively dislike you. When you can part company with a customer knowing that you'll have the same shot as everyone else to get their business back a year or so from now, why would you kick them in the crotch on their way out the door. Stupid. For what amounts to about 1.5% of the total revenue they've received from me? They will not get my business again.

I would encourage you not to do business with them. SprintPCS sucks hard, all over town.

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