Someone else did a list of these, but I thought it was mediocre at best.

Is mine less lame? I'm not sure, but I'll bet my editor will tell me later!

Ten Things Jack Bauer Will Surely Never Say:

10. Relax. We've got plenty of time

9. Why don't you try "Please?" That's always worked for me.

8. Can't we all sit down and talk about this?

7. Edgar, I can't understand a word you're saying.

6. Who does someone have to kill to get a decent cup of tea around here?

5. Nah, I'm not our only chance! There's, like, fifteen other guys who could do it.

4. Where's my blanket and bunny? I'm not leaving this facility until I have my blanket and bunny!

3. I'd like to help you out, but Numb3rs is on tonight, and you know how I feel about Rob Morrow.

2. Come on guys... doesn't anyone around here care about protocols but me? Guys?

1. Hi kids. I'm Jack Bauer, and today we're going to talk about our changing bodies.