The Hess Report


Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Lock Out 

Last Saturday morning, the kids woke up around 7:30 as is their custom. And, since it was, well, Saturday morning, they wanted to watch cartoons. Fair enough.

But, ailing!Joy hadn't been feeling the best, so instead of flipping on the TV in our room or sending the kids off to fend for themselves, I went downstairs with them. We turned on the Jimmy Newtron/Spongebob Channel (otherwise known as Nickelodeon), and I settled into to the couch with the goal of going immediately back to sleep. We'd let Joy snooze her way back to feeling good as long as she needed to today.

Around 8:30, I got the bright idea that I would run to the store whilst the girls vegged, pick up bacon, eggs and donuts, zip home and have coffee and everything nice ready for Joy when she woke. Maddie and Lucy agreed that it was an absolutely spectacular idea. Another half hour of TV followed by donuts!

So, I zoomed to the grocery store (7 minutes away) only to scrape the door of my car on the stoopidly slanted curb in the parking lot. Argh. Oh well, it didn't show, and I noticed that the entire section of curb there looked like a well-used whet stone from years of similar scrapes. Eh. Into the store, get the loot and out.

Reach for my keys.

Hmmmm. Where are those suckers?

Oh. There they are. In the passenger seat. Inside my locked car.

I realized that the door scraping, though brief, had brought with it a devestating effect. I won't go into the details or make excuses about usually having my cell phone in my pocket and my keys in my hand but instead having my phone in my hand because my shorts didn't have pockets and... well, I said I wasn't going to into that. Long story short is that I may quite possibly be mentally handicapped.

At least I still had my cell phone, which I used to wake tolerant!Joy.

It's good to begin those kinds of conversations with "You're not going believe how much of an idiot I am..."

She was a sport about it, and brought the dog along too on her rescue mission.

Maddie and Lucy couldn't have cared less, as it meant more TV and, well, the donuts were still in play, right?

And of course, I got to feel like a TV sitcom Dad, which just sucked. I hate TV sitcom Dads. Except Mike Brady. He's the best.

Seriously. Watch the first season of Brady Bunch again. He's a great Dad.

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