The Hess Report


Thursday, January 01, 2009

Advice for the New Year 

Last night, a new force was brought into the world. Meet Shrimpo the Terrible (click for full size):



He may have been constructed from two shrimp tails and several plastic football-themed hor-dourves skewers, with a piece of green pepper for a head, but much like Frosty the Snowman, when Shrimpo came to life and started kicking butt at 80's Trivial Pursuit during our New Years party, we knew that he had something special. You should have seen him wearing his beer-cap helmet!

Sure, he'll rule the world someday, and we'll probably all be very sorry, but remember this advice for the New Year:

1) Shrimpo the Terrible is always watching you.
2) If something good happens to you, it's because you made Shrimpo happy.
3) If something bad happens to you, it's because you have displeased Shrimpo in some way.
4) I'm the only one who he talks to at the moment, so if you need to get back on Shrimpo's good side, you'll have to go through me. I'm a very busy man. Food and cash will get you noticed sooner rather than later.

Anyway, have a great 2009, and long live Shrimpo!

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